Over the years to come, I'm sure I will let you down, and there'll be times you'll wish you had someone different for a father. Your cousins Mario and Luigi have been wishing that about their father since day one.
But I want you to know that I'm always going to be there for you-no matter where you shop, how you park, or how much time you spend on our phone. It's not obsessive, I'm your FATHER, and I even promise to be unobtrusive when I'm with you on dates.（However, if the guy lays as much as a finger on you, he's a dead man.）